I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
