Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
