yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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