I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
