i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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