Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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