I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
