that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
