I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
