i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
