Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize