whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
