it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i think i just lost a toe
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
