I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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