So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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