Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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