Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
