just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
