I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
