he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
