hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
