This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
