so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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