I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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