You're my little dorito
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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