I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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