she woke up with a sticky ear
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
