I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
