i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
