So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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