My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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