Yo dont text me then not text me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
