True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
