If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
