How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
