I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
