so explain again why im purple
no
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
