Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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