I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
