My cat gives me a boner
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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