just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
