Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
