Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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