Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
