Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
