well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
