I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
