i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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