There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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