Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
