they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
