she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
