I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
