just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Boobs are out for the taking
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize