Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
