nut hugger
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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