I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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