dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
