Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
