So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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