She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
