I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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