i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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