Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
