Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize