So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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