The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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