Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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