can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
