Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
