I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
